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Dec 29, 2015

last but not least from 2015

5 days break in Kl was somehow bittersweet.  I never thought i could learn so much just by being away from home in a short time.

At first it was kinda painful as i couldnt keep in touch with um just someone i need and some people that i couldnt live without. It even made me cry a bit because i missed them so much. My insomnia got worse because of that as well, so the first three days were spent mostly on bed, convincing myself that its not that bad.

But the fourth day was kinda good. I thanked God for sending my sister to spend time with me. I guess we got to know each other better, pretty much bonding time/sisters day out before 2016. We're now felt a lot more comfortable together to the point where we could talk openly about stuffs like relationships and fears. Never had that much fun just talking to her for so long.

It turned out that even my sis who seemed so strong on the outside has her own phobias which made me feel a lot better about my anxiety. That just proved that everyone has flaws and imperfections but some are strong enough to treat it like its no big deal. And its probably no big deal at all.

I also realised that your mom, despite how many miles away you are, still could hear you. I went to Kl and stayed with my aunt without my phone or laptop or even anything that belongs to me except clothes and toiletries. So i couldnt contact the world outside my aunt's house at all. Plus,she's rarely home so only God knows how bored and lonely I was.

So on the third day i told myself

'i wanna go home but no im not taking the bus (due to my dystychiphobia). please, ma. if you could feel me please pick me up.'

I said that half-serious and half-joking but my Lord, the next day my mom called my sis and said she's coming to take me home. its crazy and i was baffled at first but well, if He wills it, anything can happen. Maybe im over-reacting right here but I totally believe that was her motherly instinct.

One of the days during my stay there, my sis and I decided to go and see a silat competition. It was a international championship so pesilat from all over the world were gathered and yknow me and my stupid thing for koreans. of course I fell in love with a korean. and this time it was the jury. His first name was Lee and im guessing he's in his mid twenties. He's kinda....weird and silly yet cute.When i first saw him i was like


so for the first day(the whole time we're there) i was waving and flashing heart signs towards him (not that he saw but i could be fortunate lol) .  the next day we came earlier and hang out outside the stadium and suddenly HE WAS INCHES AWAY FROM ME AND GUESS WHAT--

i almost kill myself for not breathing.

i was so embarrassed my cheeks went red for no reason. and my sis kept telling me to ask for a selfie at least so i wont regret it later and SHE WAS RIGHT.  I am full of regrets now. I couldnt bring myself to talk to him, and just stared at him instead. as the conclusion, i realised that even if BigBang (esp Ji) is right in front of my face i might just stood there like a statue. Or crawled back into my shell (if im a turtle but im not) I would froze and could do nothing because of my nervousness. what the the worst fangirl on Earth.

but anyways i also learned that most of my friends are fakes. still-out of so many fakers bitches and assholes,there are a small group of real ones. fuck the quantity but what matters is the quality.yup.

btw its 2 days before 2016!
im glad im spending it with the person i wanna spend the rest of my life with. its gonna be fun.