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Jan 13, 2016

Good job,baby

You’ve grown a lot. You’ve grown so much stronger. Good job,baby.

Today, you didn’t cry when you got your shots. Instead you laughed.  “That tickles.” You said. Tickles? You used to bruise my arms because it hurt so much. But not today. Today it’s no big deal.  Good job, baby.

Today, you didn’t refuse your lunch. After weeks you finally ate something nutritious.  It wasn’t a lot and I saw how hard it was for you to swallow. But you tried your best and you succeeded around 12 spoons? I’m so proud of you. Good job, baby.

Today, you didn’t shut your visitors out. You let everyone in. You even called some of our friends to tell them you’re doing alright. In fact you’re doing really great. I know it’s tiring wasn’t it? People wanted to ask questions, but you wanted to rest. Nonetheless you answered almost everything. It made them happy. It made me happy. Good job, baby.

Today, you didn’t say no when I asked you if you wanna  go to the hospital’s park.  You breathed some fresh air and smiled so much my eyes got teary. It’s been so long.  You even talked to other patients there. Telling them “I’ll get out of here soon. I’ll recover.” Yes. Of course you will. You’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. Good job, baby.

Today, you didn’t throw your medicines into the bin. You took them, swallow them and no you didn’t throw up later. You didn’t shout at the nurses anymore. You smiled.  Good job,baby.

Today, you didn’t cry at all. You were so bright and full of hope like you’re gonna get discharged tomorrow. We didn’t know the results yet but they seemed to not matter that much to you. You were so excited about leaving. You were so happy today. Good job,baby.

Today, you didn’t stay up anymore. You slept. You didn’t complain about how tired you were and how your body wouldn’t let you sleep. You didn’t stay awake for hours and hours, whining like always. Today for the first time in weeks you finally could sleep like everyone. I bet being a good girl was tiring, wasn’t it? Good job,baby.

Today, you woke me up as always. But not with light touches and kisses. But with a loud scream of pain and a hard squeeze on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and found you breathless and sweating on the bed. You groaned and your face showed me how much it’s killing you inside. Your right hand left my shoulder to hold your burning stomach while the other was grabbing a fistful of the sheets. It scared me. Not you. But the fact that I might lose you right that moment. The doctors came in soon after and they shoved me out. You know how much i didn’t want to leave your side. You know how much I wanted to take away the pain you’re feeling. You know I love you right baby?

A few minutes later, the screaming stopped. It must be over now.  Good job, baby.

I rushed inside to see you. I wanted to see you. I missed you already.  But they all turned at me with a weird face. The face when the doctor first told us about your cancer. A specky came to me, pat my back and started explaining, apologizing. What he said, were all blurry until I saw one of them covering you with the sheets. Then all the pieces started to fit in together and there you were on the bed, motionless. Even your chest stopped moving up and down for oxygen.


You’ve been fighting for years. Good job,baby.

Now rest in peace.